Visual Vigil

“I find it hard to wrap around my head that many people are becoming so numb to mass shootings. We are not doing enough as a society to talk about this. It is much more than a political issue for many people, it is their real lives, and for people to just assume that there is no way to fix it is what is the most disheartening part. I look around in any large crowd and imagine how I could hide and be safe in case anything were to happen. That is not okay. We have to do better.”

“There are places I just don’t go to any more because I’m afraid. There is so much violence out there. I avoid retail stores and I have my household items and food delivered to my home now.”

“Mass shootings are frightening. I now look for exits when I arrive at a venue, try to book the aisle seat in a concert hall, and check people out like I never did before. It breaks my heart that my grandchildren will need to have training in school about shootings. Nowhere is safe. I want metal detectors installed at each school entrance. 

With Parkland and Las Vegas, my husband’s team saw the carnage first hand. His physicians staffed the ED’s at the closest hospital in each of these cities. And at Parkland, one of the physicians lost his daughter. This should NEVER happen.”

“I have always thought of myself as a gentle, and not particularly political … a quiet “doer.” This quiet “doer” feels shock, despair, anger, fear, disbelief, and heartbreak. Travel Advisories against America? Bulletproof backpacks? Even the quietest “doer” cannot stand by; cannot be quiet. I fear it is just a matter of time before someone I love is going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or simply just being Black, Hispanic, Jewish, Gay, or anything that remotely roils someone unhinged. As savvy as I try to be, I refuse to empower hate-filled people by becoming too fearful to go out in public. It is unacceptable that assault weapons should be legal for and in the hands of anyone other than military and police on active duty. And it is unacceptable that anyone can own any weapon at all without a thorough and rigorous background check. I am naive enough to hope that the ballot box is still the path to change in our country. And while I am voting against any politician who is not pro gun law reform, I am also going to vote against any politicians who either openly or tacitly approves of the empowering and inflaming of extremist.”

“Because of mass shootings, I am less trusting of strangers. I am aware of some anxiety in public places even though I am not thinking directly about shooters. I feel vulnerable. I always look for exits and aware of hiding places. I no longer take safety for granted. In a musical piece, the bass line is often unnoticed because it is there to support the rest of the notes and often doesn’t carry a melody. These mass shootings have become like a bass line in our lives. We may not think of shootings until another one occurs, but they are always there, just below the surface, making us anxious and hyper aware of our surroundings. Our country has become a scarier place because of them.”

“I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I’m disheartened. We are the only ones who can fix the mess we’re in, and it won’t be done overnight. We must do the hard work of electing officials who will make the changes we want. ”

“I didn’t know there are now bullet proof backpacks — what has happened to our world that has made these a necessary item to go to school! We now have “shepherds” that walk the premises of our church during our worship services to make sure that our congregation is safe. All this affects me with much sadness. One way for us to cope:

Breathe in peace of mind, breathe out worry
Breathe in love, breathe out hatred
Breathe in harmony, breathe out turmoil
Breathe in light, breathe out darkness.”

“Gun violence is such an important topic, it saddens my heart on many different levels ... the fact that these shootings are taking place and the frequency of them. I hate that my grandchildren cannot stay as innocent for as long as we did. ”

“News commentators speak of mass shootings as our ‘new normal.’ The violence we are experiencing is a black cloud over our heads; it’s like a hurricane always boiling toward us. I imagine the constant threat and anxiety of mass shootings is causing us serious psychological damage, particularly to children.”

“Heartbroken.”

“My wife and I continue to reel in disgust at these ongoing massacres and America’s politicians who offer naught but “thoughts and prayers” yet do absolutely NOTHING about gun control and mental health funding. It’s both-and; not either-or.”

“These continued mass shootings are a symptom of a much larger problem & if nothing changes, nothing changes. They disturb me more than I can say.”

“I received an email regarding bullet-proof backpacks that are currently available in retail stores. When did bullet-proof back packs become part of school supplies? Please tell me this can’t be the solution to mass shootings and please this can’t be our new normal. America’s children deserve better!”

“At the college where I teach, there are hall signs stating what to do in the event of a shooter. On the first day of school, the instructors are encouraged to discuss the steps of run, hide or fight, locate the exits, and create a plan. Personally I’m not sure how I would react if a shooter came into our building. Part of me is afraid that I would be so angry that I would do something rash like take out the shooter. I have had a simmering anger ever since I heard about the first school shooting. Schools are supposed to be a place of protection for students. One can’t learn if one don’t feel safe. In order to live a regular life I need to act as if we are safe. Because if I think about it too much I get so angry that society allows such evil to exist, angry at the policy-makers and politicians who do nothing to stop it, angry at the corporations that subtly support gun violence by selling violent and destructive materials. So I tap it down. But I will admit that the other day as I passed one of the run, hide, fight signs, I thought to myself, no one better come in the building and try to kill me or my students because I would become an object of fury that would destroy them. The strength of this emotion took me by surprise. ”

“Years ago I was held up at gunpoint when I was pregnant with my daughter. It happened in our city on a typical Saturday night. My husband stepped out in fount of me ... a noble move. They took our money and sped away in a car. It all ended safely. Yet it seems that I am still trying to avoid feeling how terrifying it was. ”

“We were getting our new drivers licenses at the DMV. The room was huge with many, many people in different lines for different reasons. The population in room was made up of people from around the world ... all walks of life, all races. There were literally thousands of people in the room and not one guard ... not one policeman. And when I realized that anyone could come in with an AR-15, and start spraying the room, I got very uneasy. We got our licenses and I was happy to leave. ”

“I have two daughters who work in hospitals, a husband who works in a large public high school, and I teach part time in a synagogue. For a long time, every time I heard about a mass shooting at a workplace, school or place of worship, I would feel panicky, horrified and angry but also relieved that my family hadn’t been directly affected. These days, however, it’s not so much the sudden and temporary jolt of fear and adrenaline but a constant low level of anxiety that I carry with me, like a little voice in the back of my head buzzing “What if? What if?” That’s my new normal.”

“Numb. Numb despair. What other option is there but that, when no meaningful action is taken after first graders are gunned down in their school and a leading-light opinion writer suggests a ‘husky’ student should have rushed the gunman. The only way to function to the endless mass slaughter is to numb yourself, to face it but not allow yourself to feel, knowing that there are only pauses between terrible incidents but never relief. I am not fearful for my life, or that of my child; the chances of harm in my daily commute far surpass that of being in the wrong place at the wrong time to be an unwilling participant in one of America’s regular blood sacrifices. So I do not fear. But I also do not allow myself to feel because what else would there be but paralyzing horror? Let me also offer Wilfred Owen’s Parable of the Old Man and the Young:

So Abram rose, and clave the wood, and went,
And took the fire with him, and a knife.
And as they sojourned both of them together,
Isaac the first-born spake and said, My Father,
Behold the preparations, fire and iron,
But where the lamb for this burnt-offering?
Then Abram bound the youth with belts and straps,
and builded parapets and trenches there,
And stretchèd forth the knife to slay his son.
When lo! an angel called him out of heaven,
Saying, Lay not thy hand upon the lad,
Neither do anything to him. Behold,
A ram, caught in a thicket by its horns;
Offer the Ram of Pride instead of him.
But the old man would not so, but slew his son,
And half the seed of Europe, one by one.”

“The repetitive nature and frequency of mass shootings makes me sad and quite disturbed. This country does not have adequate mental health support and resources, which has become very clear in many ways, but the prevalence of mass shootings has made it even more clear. It scares me that so many people are able to obtain guns quite easily, and a lot of the people obtaining them are not “responsible” gun owners. It scares me to be in a place where our government (or at least the people currently in power) do not see the urgency with this issue. The prevalence of mass shootings also makes me scared to go to big public places, such as airports, malls, and concerts. The fear of one happening is always sort of in the back of my mind. ”

“I have made a conscious commitment to not focus on fear situations about which I have no control. Although repeated gun violence and mass shootings are terribly upsetting, I try not to dwell on the negative, which would paralyze my actions and control my thoughts. On the other hand, it is unacceptable to become desensitized to this “new normal.” I believe that the elevated divisiveness in this country breeds contempt, disrespect and violence. In order to do what I can to counter this dangerous decline, I have gotten more involved in local politics and programs to increase justice and opportunity for all members of my community. ”

“When and where will it happen again? The fact that I think this way is very depressing because this disturbing reality is no longer the exception in our everyday lives. Have I become numb to the pain? I pray that is not the case. But, I alone am not capable of preventing the next shooter from ruining the lives of innocent people. I cannot stop thinking about the students who have suffered through these mass shootings. Parents send their kids to school hoping and praying for a safe day of learning. This anxiety has caused an increase in mental health cases across the country amongst students and it will affect them for the rest of their lives. I have never been a gun supporter and I have never expressed my opinion on the topic but the time has come for all of us to rethink our gun laws. It is obvious we need to make changes before more lives are lost.”

“Mass shootings do affect my thinking when I am in groups, unfortunately also in church. I try to push the fear away and instead try to think about things that I could do to help prevent further events occurring. It strengthens my resolve to work with groups like Arm in Arm to promote sensible gun laws in South Carolina. I am trying to overcome my own fear of gun violence by having a friend teach me how to shoot my own gun and go to a firing range to learn how to safely operate a gun. I also hope this will allow me to connect better with gun owners and find a sensible set of SC laws that protects people but allows people to use guns in a way that is safe for them, their family and the community at large.”

“I don’t look for exit signs or ways out of buildings, yet I am much more aware that there is an exit sign. Being a volunteer usher for Blumenthal in Charlotte, NC, I am required to take a training course in “active shooter”. I have to be prepared to evacuate an auditorium if there is a shooting. I wonder how one can really be prepared for such a situation. I hope it never happens but there is the possibility. Sad situation.”

“I know that I am more aware of possible dangers that I could encounter. I have yet to succumb to watching for exits. The social climate has made me more active about gun control and advancing a more progressive agenda for our culture. I am saddened that I now do live with some fear. ”

“I’m concern about all the shootings I hear on the news almost daily around the area I live. When I think of the mass shootings, I wonder why we cannot pass gun control laws. The NRA is too strong and the second amendment has been misconstrued. Why even the little country of New Zealand can pass gun control laws in one day. ”

“Before we came to Charleston, the AME Emanuel shootings happened. My high school daughter sat on the floor in front of the TV and asked me why on earth we were moving to such a place. I just stood there with my mouth open and felt completely at a loss. I am concerned about gun violence. The growing number of people being so stressed out and no longer able to mentally cope with the pressure of everyday life is making me a lot more uncomfortable. I do not think that the subject of single shootings, and especially not mass shootings, can be handled with any success until this country understands that this is the price we pay as a nation since we are not willing to change our ways.”

“One of my earliest memories from childhood is the code red we had when I was in kindergarten when the sniper was reported to be nearby my elementary school in Maryland. My teacher Mrs. Ballen was showing us a picture book as we sat there not having the slightest idea why we had to sit on the carpet with all the lights off. Thinking about this now I can’t begin to imagine the fear Mrs. Ballen had as she calmly flipped through the story she quietly read to us on that day. The more I hear of mass violence the more numb I feel towards the cruelty in this world. With that said, it baffles me that gun laws are an ongoing issue. Events that are intended for celebrations of love- concerts, parades, etc. have an underlining layer of fear. Everyone no matter their race, gender, or sexual orientation deserves the right to feel safe. I am 21 years old and I hope I can explain to my children how we have developed into a society that chooses love over violence. ”

“I have so many thoughts on this. Of course there’s the devastation, horror and sadness that I feel after each shooting but most recently, I’m becoming desensitized to it and frustrated that I don’t have more emotions toward each event. When I hear about a mass shooting, I’m not shocked but instead I’m mad. Frustrated that there has been no changes, sad that I don’t feel more pain about the event and slowly realizing that this is the new normal.”

“Gun violence or mass shootings definitely crosses my mind … if I cut my car too soon in front of another car, will there be someone with a gun? Or I wonder if I should be in this situation, could there be a person with a gun? Twenty years ago this type of thinking would be considered preposterous and someone could debate this type of thinking logically. Now this type of thinking can’t be debated. When was the first time you realized the prevalence of gun violence in our society has percolated up from your psyche into your awareness is a good question to ponder.”

“Mass shootings have affected us in large gatherings and travel ... especially in airports. I am always scanning the environment and crowd, looking for potential danger and for safe havens. ”

“I need to create coping mechanisms in order to physically and psychologically survive the effects of mass shootings. Yet, on the other hand, in order to not become the victim or accept this intrusion in our society, I need to live within the loving spirit within me so that this violence will not kill my soul. I am empowered to do things that will change public policy and the hearts of people that will bring about the needed changes. Breaking the cycle of violence begins in our homes and in our communities. We must resist our numbness to violence. We become the victim if we let fear dictate our lives. We can choose how we react to fear. I can contact my congressperson and express to them that gun violence has affected too many families across our country —it’s out of control, it’s unacceptable, and it’s hurting our children and our communities. Enough is enough. It’s time to commit to working together to build a safer state and a safer country. I pray for victims and families and friends.”

“For me, life has changed in subtle ways. When I go into my synagogue, I have to pass the Police Officer permanently assigned to guard and protect us during worship, which is a constant reminder to me to stay vigilant. Each time I pass the Mother Emanuel Church, my heart aches. Each time I enter the Gaillard Center, I take a deep breath. Each time I entered the college building, I take a deep breath. I am vigilant. Yet I have not allowed my fears to overtake me and I am still fully participating in life.”

“I need to say that I have been deeply affected by the school shootings that are now a regular occurrence in our society. My response wasn’t so much aimed at trying to ensure my own safety, but the realization that our current answer as a society is truly a moral issue. Looking at the data, I am convinced that this issue needs a multi-faceted approach to even address and because of the number of weapons in our society now in (unregistered) existence, single solutions (such as outlawing gun purchase altogether) will not be effective enough. We need to be addressing databases of those on watch lists, increased mental health resources, as well as quite strict purchasing guidelines such as outlawing gun show purchase. And although this need to implement a multi-pronged approach is true, — the narrative that MORE guns are needed seems to me not only foolish, but truly irrational. The NRA has fought vigorously against every single attempt to address this problem. I have concluded that the NRA is in effect being subsidized by Congress — and this choice is being made at the expense of the safety of my grandchildren. No society has any greater duty than to ensure it’s own survival and regeneration — even if my grandchildren were not involved. So … I no longer am willing to vote for any candidate who is receiving money from the NRA — and that is now my litmus test. Any politician who votes against any gun control reform not only surrenders my consideration, I will actively work against him or her, donating money and time to defeat them. So … my response to violence? Rage … honestly ... the rage of the tiger-grandmother. ”

“I was in a retail store and heard a popping noise. For the first time in my life when hearing this type of noise, I briefly wondered if this is a shooting; is it our time. A few moments later, I realized that it was a balloon that popped. It dawned on that this type of thinking had never occurred to me before. And I pondered when did mass shootings seep into my psyche.”

“My entire approach to attending or participating in any mass gatherings, be it large or small, shifted many years ago. If I attend a march or rally, I stand on the fringes where I can escape with relative ease and without fear of being pushed or trampled. As a photographer, I’m always looking thru my lens and am very aware of the people who are around me, especially those who stand in the back observing or carrying a placard that is contrary to the purpose of the rally. I’m not afraid of letting my voice be heard, but I avoid any and all confrontations with those who oppose my feelings or rights. In situations where I’ve been verbally challenged, I speak as calmly as possible to the person, allowing them to speak their mind, and then walk away. Perhaps it’s my age or common sense, perhaps it’s fear of being assaulted or shot. Whichever it is, it’s our new way of life and not necessarily one that I enjoy. ”

“I am concerned with the breakdown of the family and other issues in our divisive society. I don’t think about mass shootings at all, nor does it affect my way of living. ”

“I wrote the below poem, “Slaughter of the Innocents,” as a literary response to the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Slaughter of the Innocents by Eugene Platt

Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men,
was exceedingly angry, and sent forth and slew all the children in Bethlehem . . .
Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremiah, the prophet, saying
“In Ramah was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great
mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because
they are not.”
Matthew 2:16-18 (KJV)

To say such a slaughter was bad is badly understated;
indeed, it was a monarchial monstrosity,
a misdeed of biblical proportions.

And two millennia later, how unlikely it would seem,
as if in delirium or drug-induced dream,
for Herod to appear anew in Newtown, Connecticut,
a place so far removed, though no less bucolic
than Bethlehem before his Slaughter of the Innocents.

From the complacency of Christmas,
a seasonal naivety we used to enjoy with impunity,
we are awakened by Rachel weeping again,
wailing like hell—
for Ana, Allison, and Avielle.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

Before the curse of Herod overwhelms us,
tell us, O Lord, pray tell us
if truly this is “thy will,”
that we must give you back
little Benjamin, Jessica, and Jack.

As we near another nativity of your own son,
tell us what can be done with closets
full of new clothes, trinkets, and Tinker Toys
Rachel has bought with thought and caring
for each of her precious little girls
and almost-baby boys?

What will she do with all those gifts
so lovingly selected,
the boots and books, the bikes and games,
for Catherine, Caroline, and James?

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.

But cut her some slack, merciful God,
if Rachel is slow to forgive
the Herod who broke her heart,
the murderer of Madeline, Chase, and Charlotte.

And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil —

The evil of Herod’s legacy is alive
and lurks in our communal psyche,
tempting us to accept, if not condone,
the Slaughter of Innocents other than our own
in places as far-flung as Afghanistan and Hiroshima,
even as we mourn and do not understand
the killing, so obscurely obscene,
of Olivia, Jesse, and Josephine.

For thine is the kingdom —

Let it be a gun-free place of peace,
one where there can never be a Slaughter of Innocents,
a celestial sanctuary where Rachel need never weep again,
a scene of fun in never-ending sunshine, safe and sylvan,
for David and Dylan.

and the power, and the glory,

And now with hope that trumps despair,
we commend to Your care for the rest of eternity
what was Rachel’s fleeting glory
in Grace, and Noah, and Emile —

For ever and ever. Amen. ”

“I believe we need to change our gun laws. However, I chose not to live in fear. Life is to be lived, when we stop, that is when those who want to take away our liberty win.”

“I grew up in the 1960s where we had air raid drills, sitting under our desks, prepping for some unknown bomb attack from Russia or some crazy country. We did this and nothing ever happened … Not until I was an adult on 9/11. Now it’s real. It isn’t a foreign unknown perpetrator but someone’s friend, or student or anyone that decides to unleash their pain on unknowing victims. We all feel the pain. ”